I want to puke thinking about getting on a microphone in front of my friends and singing a song I ripped off from John Lennon and turned into a farmers market theme song. I am not a song writer and even more so am not a singer. It’s literally painful for me to watch the you tube video of me performing, ahem, ‘performing’ up there. In this circumstance of hindsight, the event itself was so much easier to stomach than it is to reflect back on it. I was so pumped I shot up my hand to go first (that’s because if you’re first, then by default you’re the best so far, I’m totally into default accomplishments) and I did my speech on Hawaii importing too much food, using too much oil to do so, and how I wanted to encourage supporting local farmers because we’re going to be depending on them when the reality of peak oil hits. Then with Tri on guitar and a spotlight thankfully blinding me I ‘sang’ about having no more grocery stores or corporations and local farmers feeding all of Hawaii. Then we did a little 80’s medley and I can only hope people understood I do not take myself seriously as a performer. But it was such a rush, I never imagined I would take an issue so seriously that I would put myself out there in such a vulnerable way to get people thinking about it. During the weeks I was practicing and preparing for this I was ridiculed by friends and strangers. My older and much wiser roommate/life mentor asked if I was really going to sing that in front of people. My classmate said I was ‘very brave’ to go around performing it. The bus driver said he understood why it was raining. I don’t know exactly what that means but I think its something along the lines of my voice sucks. Tri’s always positive and pleasant roommate, Becky, responded to the song with a rant on hippie activists pissing her off. A woman on the street said she could see us making a cd but we really needed to practice a lot, but that my smile made up for everything (a backhanded compliment is still a compliment!). When I finally confessed to my friend who is actually a musician that I wrote this song about farming and was going to be playing it he begged me, begged me to hold off until he got there. “I absolutely HAVE to see this”. All signs indicated that this was going to be really humiliating. But there was no stopping me. The thrill of doing something I never imagined I would have the balls to do, write a song and sing it to a roomful of people, on multiple occasions, was intoxicating. That I felt that I had something to say and making an opportunity to get it out there creatively I think surprised me more than any person that asked why on earth would I do this. You never know what you are capable of until you let yourself attempt the things you imagine are impossible. It’s really scary to attempt something rather than just stay put and content with what you are comfortable with but I think everyone has that desire to inside them. "And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anaïs Nin
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WordsIt's rad to see the variety of experiences people have on the farms and the various ways their perceptions are altered and their mind opened. There's always a unique dynamic of people and experiences so different issues come up depending on the group or the work that we're given. Archives
November 2014
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